Understanding Engineers

Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data? I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves. Were your parents engineers? Because you have a nice design. Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion. You have cuter dimples than a cardioid!

Engineering dating jokes dating sleeping with more than one person

If you need some engineering humor to brighten up your life, here are 25 of the best engineering jokes from across the internet. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that most people just don’t understand. We joke about things like electricity and programming languages — and nothing could be funnier. If you need some more material or just need to brighten up your day, here are 25 of the best engineering jokes from across the web.

Three engineers and three mathematicians are on a train going to a conference. The mathematicians each bought a ticket.

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Engineer jokes to tickle and titillate, amuse and exhilarate, laugh till you hyperventilate, till your blues evaporate, and your mood rejuvenate. Without engineers there would be a lot less very funny jokes on our plate. Three guys – an engineer, a doctor, and a painter – were debating the benefits of having a wife or a mistress. The doctor pointed out that intimacy with his beloved wife was a great stress reliever, and gave him a lifetime of love to look forward to.

The painter argued that the spontaneity of a mistress inspired him to create mysterious and passionate works of art he could not otherwise achieve. The engineer explained that if you have a wife and a mistress, they will both figure you’re with the other one, so you can go to the lab and do some calculations. A mathematician and an engineer found a gorgeous female waiting in their office. However, I have one condition.

Engineer dating jokes

Thanks to the ones who thought of them first. A group of managers were given the assignment of measuring the height of a flagpole. The Aviation Department had a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The theory was that if the windshield does not crack from the impact of the chicken, it will survive a real collision with a bird during flight. The Railroad Department heard of this device and decided to use it for testing a windshield on a locomotive they were developing.

most engineer jokes are either how stupid they can be or how do they maintenance form last week and wrote the wrong date (15th instead of.

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Joke #11140

View Full Version : Engineer jokes. The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table. Also a cute video with cats. An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician were told to build an enclosure for sheep out of a given supply of fencing material.

Anything else is a waste. DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods​.

I don’t know where most of those came from, they were floating around on the ‘Net. From the back page of the Engineering Weekly “Ingenioren,” a weekly paper for Danish engineers on May 19th, A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said: “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.

Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked: “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me? I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool. Three men — a mathematician, a biologist, and an engineer — are discussing their love lives.

Science Jokes

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Join Engineers Looking For Stuff. Sign Up Sign In. Fun Stuff. Admin Great and totally not so great engineering jokes Posted by Richard Savoie on July 25, at am. Feel free to add your own! Birth control What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities.

37 Hilarious Jokes Only For Engineers

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. Joke A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.

The mathematician said “this is pointless” and stormed off. The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.

Were your parents engineers? Because you have a nice design. Wanna dance? Because I would love to date you. Let’s take each other to the limit to see if we.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. You only have six months to live. An engineer, an architect and an actuary are stranded on a desert island with only one can of baked beans and no can opener. The engineer suggests lighting a fire to heat up the can so that the contents will expand and force the can to open.

The architect says the contents would scatter all over the place, so he suggests building a structure around the fire to catch the contents. An accountant, a lawyer, and an actuary are walking down the street when they come upon a man who has just accidently dropped a number of coins out of his pocket onto the sidewalk. The accountant glances around at the coins, totals their value, and advises the man on how much he lost.

The lawyer ignores the coins and starts searching the sidewalk for dollar bills. A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. A doctor, an engineer and an actuary were arguing about which was the oldest profession. The engineer argued that, earlier, God had created order from chaos, which was an engineering feat.

Question: How do you keep an actuary in the shower all day? Three men are sentenced to die by guillotine. Answer: The chances of resurrection are better there.

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This comes from my awesome engineering-student little cousin…I laughed for days. Because its so true. I love it when my engineer jokes come from actaul engineers who I meet. This one is from an old-school civil engineer-turned contract lawyer. Two engineers were on a date at a swimming pool. A Engineer gets home from work and sees a note on the fridge from his wife.

Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of words. While it’s true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal.

Bored in lockdown? Unable to head to the workshop and build that gadget you’ve been designing for the last three months? Think there’s nothing better than a meme to brighten up a dull day? Fret no longer, bored engineers! But maybe after a well-earned meme break. Hate memes? Maybe you’ll find comfort in our list of things engineers hate.

Science — perfection, proof, beauty. Simple, eye-catching, funny or groan-worthy depending on your sense of humour. Could this be the perfect engineering meme? I once knew an engineering student who was frantically frying up a steak at one night. Says it all really. Not properly anyway. Not the scene, but the sentiment.

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Our model, which art in nowhere. Guessing be thy name. Thy assumptions come, Thy will be done in future as it was in the past. Give us this day our premium rates, and forgive us our lousy estimates, as we forgive those who supply us with crappy data. Lead us not into insolvencies, and deliver us from auditors.

To which the engineer replied, “so what? Pretty soon I’ll be close enough for all practical purposes!” Vote: share joke. Joke has % from votes.

Different people come with different takes on humor and engineers are no exception. While everyone can enjoy a good joke, there are always a few in-group jokes specifically tailored to a group of people that unfortunately not many other people will get Anyone can build a bridge. It takes an engineer to just barely build a bridge. Two engineers were on a date at a swimming pool. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through the country side when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician were out game hunting. The engineer spied a target in the distance, so they got a little closer to get a better shot. Let me try” insisted the physicist, who then proceeded to miss by three metres to the right. Why did the engineer cross the road?

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